*cancels trip to Grand Canyon because I’ll never see it the way Garcia Lopez de Cardenas did*
1. 2 o’clock and I had just lied
saying that I was heading to school. But really,
I sat on the subway for hours
lost in thought, suffocated by my loneliness.
Constantly moving and going nowhere.
2. I was 18 and my mother left the house
after our fight about something
that I can’t seem to recall. My heart was beating fast
while tears rolled down my cheeks
and anger screaming from the deepest part of me.
Before my thoughts cleared my fist went through
my bedroom wall.
I cleaned the blood and covered the hole,
wondering the whole time why I couldn’t
do the same for my soul?
3. last year around this time
I sat alone in a park away from familiar
faces and buried myself in self loathing.
I watched the trees grow and flowers
come to life,
and I prayed to Allah
to help me feel as beautiful
as they looked.
4. Four months ago I turned twenty one,
and I thought I felt the worst of uncertainty
and the pain of regret drowning my mind.
But I found myself in the bathtub, three hours in
as the water scorched my skin
as my emotions ate away at me
I’m really glad it’s Indigenous People’s Day in my city rather than columbus day
Tinashe is my new fav